I think I might be a lesbian…

and i’m scared as shit.

i’m falling apart. I want to be strong. the pressure’s too much. the list is too long. the loss is too much. I will always be too alone, because I can’t escape my own head.

I just want to feel appreciated..

this morning I am not myself but I am called Grace, a baker in the south conversing with, more like avoiding, the man who cheated on me and is now having a family. I am in a play this morning, for my acting final. my partner and I have rehearsed many an hour outside of class to get it perfect. and I am so stoked to blow everyone away.

exam week is especially stressful when you have anything to do other than exams.

I love the way you smell

and I love the way your skin feels,

and I love the way you smile at me,

I love the way your lips taste.

• killed my art history exam
• finished leg and foot anatomy drawings
• half of the head drawings
• written up all the paperwork for acting
• found bits of myself again

the skies are gray
but the birds are singing
with their mouths closed,
their lungs are filled
on top of the light posts,
they spread their wings
but they stay.